Monday, July 11, 2005

Deep Thoughts

I've been having a lot of deep thoughts lately, most of them having to do with the deaths of my sister & brother-in-law last August. I keep asking God "why them?" "Why did this happen to them?" I was lying in my bed this morning after Jim left for work & just burst into tears because I miss them so much! I just wish I could talk to Karen again & tell her how much I love her & miss her. Just for a more second.....please?

I've also been questioning my faith a lot lately......don't know if that's a bad thing or not. I mean, I just don't understand why something like this would happen to people like them. But yet, there are so many evil people in the world....murderers, rapists, terrorists.....why couldn't it have been them instead??? Why Karen & Jimmy? Why? There were such good people.....they did so much for their community & for others. Jimmy was a volunteer firefighter & risked his own life to save others. Karen did a lot of volunteering in their small hometown plus she was one of the top Tupperware Sales Reps & both of them volunteered with the American Red Cross. Why does something like this happen to people that gave so much of themselves to others? Why, why, WHY??? I just wish I knew for sure that they were both in Heaven & that I will be able to see them again one day. I just wish I knew for certain that there is a Heaven. Please don't flame me for having these thoughts.....afterall, they are my thoughts. I've never really been 100% convinced about my faith.....maybe I need to start attending church again or at the very least, start reading the Bible.

One thing that I seem to be seeing a lot of lately since their deaths is double rainbows, like the one pictured above. I took this picture from my front porch one afternoon. We had gotten some pretty bad storms come through & I was sitting on my couch when I saw the sun starting to come out. I ran to grab my camera because I just knew that there had to be a rainbow somewhere & this is what I saw when I opened the front door. Maybe it's a sign from God that Karen & Jimmy are okay, I don't know. I'd really like to believe that it is. I keep asking God for signs.....something, anything, to let me know that they are okay & that they miss me as much as I miss them. Maybe, just maybe, this was one of them.

Oh well, back to thinking.

Till I blog again,

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