Friday, February 10, 2006

ChChChChanges!

This may very well be my final blog entry. Why? Many reasons, really. My life has gone through numerous changes in just the past 2 weeks....some of them which I still don't know how to handle. But I've been doing a LOT of thinking about how I've been spending my life & realized that I cannot continue on the way I am right now. The path I'm on is going to end.....the hours I spend online, the hours I spend neglecting myself, my family & my home.....it's all going to stop! NOW! It has to stop! I'm 43 years old & feel like a nobody right now. I need to do something with my life & NOW is the time to do it! Now the question is.....what? I'm praying that God will help me find that answer.

The main drastic change on the homefront has been money. Jim's overtime hours have been dramatically cut, so things are really tight for us financially right now. I'm going to start looking for a job myself next week. The problem is, finding one! Everyone lays people off after the holidays, so it's not going to be easy. Wish me luck!

Well, it's final.....my son is getting a divorce. Two weeks ago, he called me & asked if he could stay with us for a little while as his wife & mother-in-law kicked him out of the house. What else could I do but say yes? I mean, I couldn't let my son be homeless & live out on the streets, could I? Did I make the right decision? I still don't know. I know that I've been under a LOT more stress since he came back home. But this Sunday, he is scheduled to move to DC with the company he works for. I will miss him, but at the same time, I need to get my life back. The part that really stinks about all of this is, unless I take her to court (which I can't afford to do right now.....read above), I'm never going to see my granddaughter :( I haven't seen her since Christmas Day. Toni, Shawn's wife, is being a true b*tch right now! She wouldn't even let Shawn get any of his things.....he finally had to call the police just to be able to get his clothes! That's all they would let him take, yet Jim & I are the ones that bought the computer (before Shawn even met Toni), the tv (for Shawn's birthday 2 years ago), the bed & the digital camera.....all of which Shawn can't get back! So this weekend, Jim & I are going to call the police ourselves & provide the receipts we have proving that we paid for those items & hoping we can get them back. The one police officer I spoke to on the phone told me that it all depends on what police officer they send out to the house whether or not he'll let me get those things. What kind of crap is that??? Welcome to Detroit (which is where the items are) :(

Yesterday, I started having some problems with our new Dell computer & after being on the phone with Dell for over 4 hours throughout the day, talking to people that hardly speak any English, crying because the problem still isn't resolved......it made me realize that I need to stop depending on this computer so much! I rely on it for a lot.....my pictures, my communication, my escape.....my life, really. And that is all going to end! I'm going to start setting a schedule for myself on how much time I am going to allow myself to spend online. And I have to stick with it! One hour in the morning after taking Cassie to school, not before, so I can get up with her, make her breakfast & talk to her every morning. One hour (or less) in the afternoon just to check my email, QVC's lunchtime specials & of course, 2 Peas :). Then 15 minutes at night, before heading to bed....no more staying up till 12:00 or 1:00. I can do this! I WILL do this! And because I'm doing this, I may have to give up my blog. Or if I do decide to keep it, my entries will be a LOT shorter (unlike this one, lol)!

Well, I'm going to stop here for now, but thought I would post a photo of the snow we received the Saturday before Super Bowl Sunday. The Detroit area didn't get as much as we did further north.....we ended up with almost a foot. Dang groundhog anyway! LOL 6 more weeks of winter.....YUCK!







Thanks for reading,
Benita

14 comments:

Becky said...

Don't give up your blog! Just keep the entries short and maybe not as often.

It sounds like you are going through a hard time, I'll keep you in my prayers. Good luck with the job search and hopefully things will get better for your son soon.

BTW, I love the Pic at the top of your blog

Lorrie said...

Aww Benita, sorry things are going well for you right now. I'll be praying for you too. Sometimes I think I'm doing a disservice to myself, my 5 yr old dd and my dh by being on the computer so much. Now, i don't get back on after dinner unless dh is at church and dd is in bed. I hope you get to see your grandaughter soon. (I can't believe your a grandmother - you're only 3 yrs old than me 0 lol!)

BonnieRose said...

I will be praying for you. don't quit blogging, just make shorter entries.. keep us all in the loop.
Remember... God will direct your steps....
and those of your family members.
love bonnierose

Sophia said...

Oh, Benita, you do have so much on your plate right now. Wow. You'll be in my prayers. Good luck to your son in his situation. That sounds ugly. And about your blog... blogging is about the best therapy I've found. It lets you express yourself where no one can argue with how you are feeling! Keep it. Post shorter or less but keep posting!! Big hugs to you!

Sophia

em said...

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. I feel like my life revolves a little too much around the internet, as well. You have to do what is best for you and your family and everyone understands that. Sorry to hear about your son :( Your photos are beautiful. Have a nice weekend :)

Dar said...

Sorry to hear your having a rough time right now Benita. Ditto what Sophia said about blogging being therapy. Somedays it just helps to get it all out and you know you will find support at Two Peas. Hope that all settles down for you soon and start feeling better about life. Big hugs to you.

Kristy said...

Good luck and I hope everything gets better for you.

Cindy Lee said...

Benita, sounds like you have a good plan for yourself! I had to do much the same at the beginning of the year! I'm so sorry to hear about the end of your son's marriage and hope that eventaully things will work out so you can be a part of your granddaughter's life! I don't blame you one bit for trying to get those items back and will pray that you get a reasonable police who escorts you. Huge hugs while you make these changes in your life and I have full confidence that you can do whatever you put your mind to, please keep in touch when you can - love you much!

Michelle W. said...

I'm so sorry to hear about all those things going on in your life! I'm sending good wishes on your way. Hugs

Michelle

Anonymous said...

Every once in a while I read your blog and I'm sorry to read that you are having such a rough time. I hope you won't quit blogging... like the others said... keep it shorter and get the positive benefits of it (the therapy) and not the negative (the time)... Setting boundaries for pc time sounds like a good idea... let's make some priorities!

Kim said...

(((Benita)) Hang in there and I think you are doing the right thing for yourself. Keep us posted on how you are doing!

Ann said...

I just found your blog! Don't leave! But, I do understand how life can take a bite out of your you-know-what sometimes. I'm 51 and our life is finally settling down after about 5 years of a wild roller coaster ride. If it wasn't for my wonderful husband, sweet daughter and some great anti-depressants I don't know if I would have gotten through it. Hold tight to your loved ones. You all can pull together and get through it.

By the way, I found you via your studio pictures on 2peas. I have the same cherrywood desks you do...and the same printer...and the same computer...and even the same wall color! I'm not a paper scraper though...it's all digital for me. So, my studio is simply a computer, scanner, printer and a armoire full of design books, scrapping magazines, a selection of white papers to print on and some albums.

Take care...and maybe just blog a bit? :~)

FrogLegs said...

I have to agree-- use this as your "escape" no matter how short. I wish you well in the upcoming changes.

Deanna- yep Dee-na said...

Benita- i just know who you are from aol and 2 peas and jen stewart. you don't know me... but i just wanted to comment on your blog entry here... i completely relate! i too have had to really rethink how much time i'm spending on this thing. it is just not that important. good luck- prayers for you and for your family!